Groundbreaking Self-Assessment Initiative
The little-known Interagency Research Evaluation Division (IRED) has embarked on what officials are calling "a watershed moment in institutional introspection" — a comprehensive study to determine why its previous 47 research publications have achieved the remarkable feat of being simultaneously produced and ignored by the federal government.
"We've identified a critical gap in our understanding of why our critical gap analyses remain unread," explained Dr. Patricia Whitman, IRED's Deputy Assistant Director for Research Impact Assessment. "This represents a fundamental breakdown in the research-to-policy pipeline that demands immediate research."
Photo: Dr. Patricia Whitman, via new.npaaa.org
The $3.7 million investigation, formally titled "Comprehensive Analysis of Research Utilization Patterns Within Federal Decision-Making Frameworks," will examine why IRED's previous studies on topics ranging from "Optimal Stapler Procurement Methodologies" to "A 400-Page Assessment of Three-Page Form Efficiency" have failed to penetrate the consciousness of their intended audience.
Methodological Rigor Meets Bureaucratic Reality
According to the study's preliminary framework, researchers will employ a multi-phase approach beginning with a literature review of why literature reviews are not reviewed. Phase Two will involve interviewing federal employees about their reading habits, while Phase Three will analyze the psychological barriers preventing policymakers from engaging with policy research.
"We're particularly excited about our planned focus groups with congressional staffers," noted Senior Research Analyst Michael Chen. "We'll be asking them to explain why they haven't read our focus group recommendations from 2019."
The study has already produced several interim deliverables, including a 67-page "Preliminary Assessment of Assessment Readership Deficits" and a companion piece, "Executive Summary of Executive Summary Engagement Metrics." Both documents are currently under review by a committee tasked with determining whether anyone will review them.
Institutional Learning Curve
IRED's track record speaks to the scope of the challenge. Their 2022 report on federal communication effectiveness was distributed to 847 officials, none of whom responded to the follow-up survey about whether they had received it. Similarly, their groundbreaking analysis of why government websites are unusable was published exclusively on a government website that has been down for maintenance since the Clinton administration.
"There's a beautiful symmetry to this situation," observed Dr. Jennifer Martinez, a public administration expert at Georgetown University. "They've created a study about unread studies that will inevitably go unread, thus providing perfect data for their next study about why this study went unread."
Photo: Georgetown University, via c8.alamy.com
The investigation has already spawned two subsidiary research projects: a cost-benefit analysis of studying cost-benefit analyses, and a stakeholder engagement strategy for engaging stakeholders who refuse to engage with stakeholder engagement strategies.
Measurable Outcomes and Unmeasurable Impact
IRED officials express confidence that their research will yield actionable insights, despite acknowledging that their previous actionable insights have resulted in no discernible actions. The study's methodology includes innovative approaches such as hiding research findings within other research findings and experimenting with different font sizes to maximize reader engagement.
"We're considering revolutionary formatting changes," revealed Project Coordinator Sarah Thompson. "Perhaps bullet points instead of numbered lists. Maybe even color printing, pending approval from the Federal Color Printing Oversight Board."
The study will culminate in a capstone report examining why capstone reports fail to cap anything, accompanied by a user-friendly infographic explaining why user-friendly infographics remain user-hostile.
Expert Analysis of Analytical Expertise
Academic observers have praised IRED's commitment to evidence-based futility. "This represents a quantum leap in bureaucratic self-awareness," commented Dr. Robert Hayes, director of the Institute for Governmental Studies at UC Berkeley. "They've achieved the remarkable feat of studying their own irrelevance while simultaneously demonstrating it."
Photo: UC Berkeley, via brand.berkeley.edu
Preliminary recommendations emerging from the study include establishing a Department of Reading Promotion, creating mandatory reading comprehension tests for federal executives, and developing a new class of research specifically designed to be ignored more efficiently.
As the investigation enters its second quarter, IRED has announced plans to commission a follow-up study evaluating the effectiveness of studying effectiveness studies. The research proposal is currently under review by a panel of experts who have not yet confirmed whether they plan to read it.
